i ordered beer with my lunch today and i did it in chinese! hooray!

today i went back to yu yuan garden with my aunt's housekeeper who doesn't speak a single word of english. even though we couldn't really talk, we managed to get around by waving are hands. occassionaly she tries to tell me stuff in chinese which i can sometimes understand, but when i don't, she justs says it louder and louder. when people don't understand you here, they just speak louder because clearly chinese is understandable when yelled at the top of your lungs. she is a damn good bargainer though. i bought so much stuff today for so cheap. needless to say, i am quite happy.

to add to my happiness, i just found out i got a 3.67 this past semester. hooray!


p.s.
camping boosts grades

it has been raining all day and i hate it. i somehow managed to make it over to a shopping mall this morning but the taxi driver yelled at me because i put my umbrella in the wrong place. let me tell you, when chinese people are angry, they're reaaallly angry. i get to the mall after i've been scolded to find out that it's national childrens day or something. there are children running around, completely unsupervised, and this is no tiny mall; this place has 9 or 10 floors and the interior layout is very confusing. so because of all the mayhem, i retreated to the starbucks (hooray!). i tried to order a frappucino which according to the barista is a "fap-chino". oh international starbucks..

i decided to walk back to the high-rise complex because the rain had subsided and i wanted to explore the city. once i got back to the complex, i found a mini driving range so i got to play golf. it was really nice because no one was around and i haven't played in a while.

the complex i live in is the chinese version of wisteria lane. its a gated community and it has everything you could ever need inside. there is a convience store, two swimming pools, a fancy restruant (that has a decorated roof top so it looks apealing when you look at it from the high-rises), a library with international material, a child center, a gym complex and some other stuff. the gym area has two squash courts (where's the cakes when you need her?), ping pong tables, tennis, golf, basketball and a bucnh of other gym-like stuff. the crazy driving that plagues shanghai stops at the gates, and it is actually safe to walk on the roads in the community. there is a 24-hour security force that patrols the area so i can wander outside at night without fear of being robbed (theft is a big problem here). this is also a more diverse community, and there are many foriegners so i don't feel completely stupid when i can't figure things out because of the language barrier.

i am eating papa john's for dinner! hooray for american food!

last night while i was preparing for bed, my aunt came in and decided it was time to talk. she thought we needed to discuss my future weight loss plans so i can fit into my wedding dress or a "sexy, short, red mini-skirt". apparently fitting into a wedding dress is everyone female's aspiration.

this lady is almost as bad as my mom. the only problem is we haven't reached the comfort level where i can yell at her, but i've got another week and a half to work on that.




p.s.
i aspire to fit into my tool belt.

i just returned from my guided tour of selected parts of shang hai. i went on an individual tour with this guide lady who graduated from the shang hai university of tourism. honestly, who goes to a tourism university. anyways, she was cool and all until i realized she was trying to rip me off.

first we went to the yu yuan garden. i think it was built during the ming dynasty and the architecture is amazing. the entire garden is enclosed from the surrounding street shopping area so it's really weird to go into after being on the packed streets. everything is intricately designed, there are even tiny warrior statues on the rooftops. i can't even begin to describe how amazing this place was. everywhere you went, there was something new to see. also, when you look at things from a different angle, it looks completely different. they used windows in the construction but none of them have any glass so it feels very open. the doorways are also used to create space; they're often large circles that can fit a few people at one time. the paths in the garden are intertwined and they almost always cross over water that is filled with coy. i really liked this place, and i have many pictures to prove it. i will post them later if i can figure out what the hell i'm doing.

now about this greedy tour guide. as i mentioned before, the yu yuan garden is surrounded by street shopping and of course i love street shopping because it is so cheap. so i start looking at things and i want to buy stuff because its all fairly reasonable and i like it. then the tour guide lady tells me she'll take me somewhere else so i can get a better price. i'm not one to turn down cheaper things, so i comply. she then takes me to this department store area where there aren't many people, bad sign number 1. then she tells me she's gonna call a friend to see if we can get a discount, bad sign number 2. my cousin warned me that tour guides often take foreigners to certian stores so they can get commission when you purchase things and that the prices are usually higher. so yeah, she's calling her "friend" who we never actually meet, by the way. she finds what i've been looking for on the street and tells me its much better to buy it there because its "genuine quality" and she can get me a discount. first off, its like $20 more than what i found on the street, and secondly, how can a rock be of better quality elsewhere.

i was also looking to buy a teapot set for katie and the guide lady insisted on going to this specific store where they barely had any selection and nothing that katie wanted. she insisted that i buy this one set that was about $50, which i can't afford and i didn't even like. earlier, i found this set that i really liked and it was only $20 or so and i really wanted to get it. her excuse for not letting me buy it was that it was partially made of mud and would fall apart when i used it. excuse me, i am not stupid...when you are drinking out of glazed ceramic, it will not fall apart (unless you purchased it at YAPPS. hah.) she kept telling me i had enough money to purchase it but she obviously wasn't aware that i always get what i want and i do not settle for less. she then has to tell the lady that i don't want it (after much resistance on my part) and they start speaking in chinese. this is where i start getting really enraged. i here the person working there ask why i won't buy it today and to make me buy it today. the tour lady then says that im being stubborn and she can't get me to buy it. my chinese may not be that great but its something. they both seemed pretty upset that they couldn't get the righ, ignorant american to buy things from them.

the next place we go to is this super cheap shopping street in the poorer part of shang hai. this is where they sell a bunch of knock-off things and whatnot. when we get there, she walks me directly to this shop where the owner greets her. her chummy-ness with this shop owner is suspicious. she then tries to get me to buy korean boy band cell phone charms there (the audacity of this woman...sheesh), but i refuse, naturally. at this point, she is grating on me. we continue walking onward and i find these stickers i like that cost about $.40. 40 freakin' cents and she won't let me buy them there. she tells me that the owner of the first shop we visited will buy them for me. she says some junk about how he is the landlord of the street and how he can get them cheaper for me. umm, i don't really need a discount on 40 cents. i tell her this and she says that the prices are always higher than marked and that because i am american, they will charge me more. seriously, how am i supposed to believe such lies and even if that was true, i don't mind paying $.50 for a pack of stickers.

the most irritating thing about this tour guide lady is that she spent the whole day trying to figure out how rich i was, which almost sounds like an oxymoron...me rich???? WHHAAATTT? she's obviously mildly retarded, possibly severely. she first noted that my aunt lives on the top floor penthouse suite in one of the nicest high rises in shang hai (which i was not aware of and i dont think is entirely true because there is a place across the streets that looks like it's out of the jetsons). then she kept asking me how much money i had with me, to which i always replied "not enough". she also encouraged me to use my credit card which i also do not have. she said if i use it, i can buy whatever i want. she must think i wipe my ass with gold. then she asked me how much money my aunt gave me, my mother, and my father. i kept trying to tell her that i am a poor college student which she couldn't comprehend. she kept asking me about the price of my belongings too. apparently my sneakers looked very expensive, and she refused to believe that i bought them for $30 at an outlet mall. then of course she asked how much my bag, shorts, watch, and sunglasses cost. after she was done with the things i had on me, she tried to figure out how much i pay for tuition and how much many cars my family had. how cares?? geeeeezus.

alright, i am done complaining. i really did enjoy the things i saw today. the yu yuan garden was absolutely amazing and i also visted the shang hai art museum. they had cool things but i couldn't get the lady to enjoy it all. it would be awesome to go with katie...too bad china would hate us and katie would be in constant fear of catching the eye.

this has been quite the rant. oh well.

air conditioning = air cone
watch out = mind yourself
definitely = most certianly
bathroom = wash room
living room = seating area
hair salon = beauty parlour

i also saw a place today called "Papa Beard".
and guess what they sold?
pastry puffs filled with ice cream. who knew.

i was woken up today by my aunt who was appalled that i could sleep in until 10:30am. she then drags me to get my haircut at a place she calls "the beauty parlour". while we're there, she tells people that i'm from the states and i hear this one lady say how big and round my eyes are (in chinese, of course). then she takes me to this fancy upscale place that sells americanized food. she ends up ordering me this pasta which she claims is pesto but is really spaghetti with spinach soup sauce and bacon. after that, we went shopping. at this point, she instructs me that "fat people can't dress fashionably" and she also tries to convince me i need to wear high heals. when i refuse, she tries to buy my mom some (which she also doesn't wear). then she continues to bug me about how i shouldn't eat for a week so i can lose enough weight and find a boyfriend. even her maid asked me if i have a boyfriend, but that was because she saw that i had brought two pairs of shoes and she thought one of them was my boyfriend's. i think everyone i come in contact with has asked me about my relationship status, and they do it so discretely. they'll ask things like "do you have any best friends and are they male or female?" or "do you like to go to the movies with boys?". i mean, c'mon. this is getting unbearable.

besides my extended family and their ridiculous chinese antics, i am having fun. i bought this super sweet kappa polo that says italia on it and i think i'm hot shit. my laundry gets done daily by their maid. i also bought at least 10 different flavors of pretz today. they even have a curry flavor, but it isn't that great. it definitely tastes like curry though. i've been drinking fresh squeezed watermelon juice like a drug. for the most part, the food is delicious. i've learned that if you can identify it, it's probably decent.

i have also discovered why asains are such bad drivers: there are absolutely no rules for driving here. i mean you have to have a licenses and all, but once you get that, you're free to be as reckless as you want. people do not obey lane markings; it's actually very common for people to be driving on the shoulders. the cops here often drive around with their signals on without their sirens on, and when they do ticket people, the tickets don't amount to anything over $10. for speeding, my cousin says you can get a $3 or $4 ticket. another problem is that a lot of people drive mopeds, and they do not follow traffic signals. so they can be sitting in the same lane as a car that has a red light but decide that it's safe them to cross the road. also, when cars make right or left turns, they honk constantly to warn anyone else who may be crossing their path. and of course, there are the pedestrians. cars won't stop for them and people won't stop for the cars. so it usually ends up being a lot of honking and a lot of running. i'm surprised that i haven't seen anyone get hit yet, but i've witnessed many near accidents which doesn't phase anyone here at all.

this place is ridiculous. i can't even begin to explain it. i would say the most accurate way of imagining this place is taking acid and convincing yourself that you are a schizophrenic.

i am currently in china. shang hai to be exact. if you want to get even more specific, i'm in pu dong. hopefully this lj thing will provide me with a suffecient amount of english communication which i am currently lacking.